Asking Myself “Why?”

Louise lost her husband to suicide 3 years ago.  Though her story was forever changed on that day, her life continues.  She’s able to find the good in simple things, like nature, and a beautiful sunny day.

“Today was just a glorious June day with various shades of green from full blooming trees against a bright blue clear sky. It was a day in my mind which makes me appreciate the gift of life that God has bestowed upon me.  But it was also a day that makes me stop and ponder the question again, “why did he do it?” What was so low in my husband’s life that made him decide to end it 3 years ago?  Could he no longer yearn for a beautiful early summer day anymore? Was life so dark, so gray that he had to just step out of it?  I have asked the why question so many times over the past 3 years. It pops into my thoughts at funny times of the day like when I am driving alone and a song he liked comes on the radio, walking through the grocery store and seeing an item he liked, getting in bed after a long day or on beautiful days like today. How could life have become so unbearable? When asked how he was, he would always say he was fine.  I lived with him for 17 years and yet I did not anticipate him ending his life and forever changing mine. How did I miss the signs? Or, were there signs? What could I have done differently?

And like every time before the unanswered ‘why question’ leaves me hanging.  Life marches on and I thank God for beautiful days to help carry me and provide the answer to why I want to live!”

If someone you know is struggling emotionally, you can be the difference in getting them the help they need. It’s important to take care of yourself when you are supporting someone through a difficult time, as this may stir up difficult emotions. If it does, please reach out for support yourself.

Read more at or call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK (8255).  You can also text LOOKUP TO 494949.

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